So last night I had a meltdown. This is an unusual statement for Jackie Lovato. I like to cry and not being afraid to do so, welcome its happening from time to time. Tears feel good. Release feels good. But last night was more than tears, it was more than a release, it was a full on meltdown where the sobbing wouldn’t stop and its reasonings were swirling about my head so fast I couldn’t keep them straight.
To keep things straight for you dear readers, it should be known that the term ‘busy’ doesn’t come close to what’s been going on in my life. Life lately has been intense, challenging, rewarding, productive*, progressive and 125% nonstop. It has been one thing after the next, overlapping the next even, and it’s been so crazy I woke up one day recently realizing I hadn’t spent any quality time with my best friend (who also happens to share a wall with me as my roommate) in months. Kind of sad if you ask me.
Which could be part of the sadness that overwhelmed me last night. I’ve been committed to living a balanced life these last few years and that includes taking time off and taking time to sit and listen to friends and help, hold, release and everything that’s good for my soul between. I believe this recent lack of balance is what tipped me over the ugly melting edge last night and this is my public affirmation that I am going to be more focused on that personal element starting like, now.
This is also a public admission that I too, fall. I too, mess up and have to work my way through the muck. I get a lot of great feedback that ‘you’re always so positive,’ and ‘everything always sounds like you’re doing so well.’ Well, my mother always said if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all. So hey guys, fyi, it’s not always gravy. I’m never pretending or falsifying, I’m just not preaching the negative. And let’s face it, we all get wrapped up in that lousy n-word too often. But if you focus on the Good, the bad goes away ridiculously quickly.
So here I sit. On a plane to catch a train to ride a boat over a moat to grandmothers house I go (more details on my current travels soon). My eyes are still a little puffy from all the tears, my heart’s still a little heavy and my head is absolutely still swirling. But I’m reflecting. Realizing. And making a choice that I will always continue to rise up from the ashes and I will always work hard to maintain my inner peace so I can put my best foot forward. For you kind of, because You are way too good to me. But mostly for me. Because I always want to be the best me I can be. For you, and for me.
*exploring options on hiring a remote assistant. welcoming applicants.